by Shelly Stokes, Founder and Creative Mentor
As I look back, the two most overused phrases in my 25-year marriage to Jack have been “what would you like for dinner?” and “I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it.” And with that, the inevitable little standoff when neither one of us takes a moment to actually check in with ourselves to say “what do I actually WANT for dinner?”
Maybe the what-to-have-for-dinner debate is not an issue in your house. (And if not, good for you!) But I’m betting that there are lots of little things that go on in your life where someone asks you a question and you just spit out a default answer without taking time to DECIDE if that is or is not what you really want.
Say a friend calls and wants you to meet her for coffee. Do you automatically say yes, and then resent losing an afternoon to yourself? Do you automatically say “no, I have to work” and then feel badly that you are not taking care of your relationship? Or do you take a few minutes to actually check in with yourself and then give an answer that truly reflects how you WANT to spend that time?
Find Creative Inspiration In Your Feelings
So, what in the world does this have to do with creativity and finding inspiration? Believe it or not, a LOT! In fact, it is far more important than I ever imagined.
How many times have you found yourself caught up in “analysis paralysis,” agonizing over some small detail like what piece of green fabric to use in your next project. (Or, in my case, really trivial things like which piece from my scrap bin to use for the inside cover of a folder!)
I do not know about you, but I can waste a lot of time thinking too much about everything from airline flight times to what color the cushions for my sofa should be. It is like I’m chasing down rabbit holes looking for the perfect answer instead of simply making a choice and moving on.
So the question is, how do we get out of this cycle of analyzing things to death and simply make a decision? And how can we be sure that we will be happy with the decision?
The key is to stop thinking and start feeling. We need to get out of our “head bubble” and check in with how we actually FEEL about the choice we are making. Here is a little exercise that one of my mentors taught me about this summer.
- Get clear on what needs to be decided.
- Drop your attention down into your body.
- Choose a possible answer to the question and sense how you FEEL by choosing that answer.
- Choose the other possible answer and sense how you FEEL when by choosing the alternative answer.
While this sound simple enough, it can be a challenge. The key is to take the time to really listen to how you feel when you consider the possible answers. Do you feel excited or indifferent? Happy or sad? Does your energy feel expansive or constricted? Do you sense doors opening or slamming shut?
Paying attention to how you FEEL about a particular decision is incredibly useful creative strategy. By getting “out of your head,” you drop right into the realm of intuition, inspiration and possibility. It is all there waiting for you to slow down and listen.
If this sounds weird or a little scary, I can assure you that you are not alone. Most of us are far more comfortable thinking about things rather than feeling them. I know that is true for me. But I can also share that using this process and acting on your feelings can be incredibly liberating. There is a part of you that will jump up and down in celebration each time you stop, check in with your feelings, say “this is what I really WANT.”
Whether it’s what to have for dinner or what color of paint to use in your project, tuning in to your feelings is a great way access the the inspiration that is always there for you. The inspiration is always there, we just have to stop thinking and allow ourselves to start feeling.
What works for you?
Do you have a favorite tool or ritual for accessing inspiration? I would love to hear about them. Leave a comment below or head over to our Facebook page and post your thoughts. And, by the way, which color of green “feels” better to you?
You are so right and I think I am good about this a majority of the time. I have people In My life I wish I could get to read this. Thanks.
Hi Debbie, I’m so glad you are able to be aware of your feelings and what you want in life. I also believe that this is one of those things that we all have to come to on our own time. With some people, I have changed the way I ask questions to gently nudge them to think about how they feel about something. But others simply are not ready, and it’s not my place to hasten their personal journey. Thanks for your note. I appreciate you!
this is so true. It used to not be so much of an issue, and my friends and customers could really connect with my work on a more personal level. I’ve found that once you start creating from a place that isn’t truly authentic (as in what you are about and your calling, your passion, your mission in life, why God put you here) then people in general won’t get the work- and you’ll be hard pressed to figure out why you invested time and brain cells doing it. Creativity is flow. Lack of flow is struggle. Thanks!
Thank you, Beth. That is a very powerful observation. I had never considered that people would have trouble connecting with art that came from an inauthentic space. It’s so obvious that they don’t connect to the person, but I had never considered the next logical step. Thanks so much for sharing that with us.
Lately I have many thoughts of a similar nature and have taken a deep breath and made one or two small changes. With those changes came a boost of confidence far exceeding the effort I put forth. I find that my mood lifts when I do what I want to do and be what I want to be, and it has a surprisingly pleasant effect on the moods of those around me.
And when your email came, I had JUST asked my husband what he wanted for dinner, when I already had something in mind that sounded good to me! So after I read your email, I told him what I wanted – lol!
Fantastic, Linda! I hope you enjoyed that dinner. 🙂
I totally agree that being happier with ourselves by being true to ourselves has a positive effect on the people around us. Just the other day, my husband commented on the fact that I am much more relaxed and more content — and I can see the same in him now that he has recovered from his latest health challenge. Happy is good!
Shelly, what a wonderful thing it was to read your message. I think it is incredibly brave of you to open yourself up like this. Very inspiring and great advice. I will think of it whenever the situation occurs in the future and, decisions being needed every day, I expect it will be today or tomorrow for sure that I’ll have an opportunity to practice.
Thank you for your lovely words, Maxine. It is easy to be dissatisfied with life. The hard thing is to do something about it. It has been and extremely challenging year for me in many ways, but also equally rewarding. And it would not have happened had I not trusted my feelings and committed to some personal work that felt really “out there” to a girl who grew up in Lake Woebegone country. I wish you all the best in connecting to your feelings.
I spent many years working with kids, human kids. I always found it very helpful to give them 2 choices instead of asking what they want. An example would be do you want chicken or beef for dinner.
I give myself 3 choices of fabrics when trying to decide which one to use. However, I consistently find myself picking the same colors. It’s hard for me to pick colors out of my comfort zone.
Keep up the great work with the Cedar Canyon Community. I really enjoy trying the new techniques you present.
Judy
Shelly, I had to make a decision this morning and was finding it difficult till I closed my eyes and felt my feelings. Thank you for the insight.
Yeah! I’m so glad you were able to put this too good use! And thanks so much for letting me know.
I’ve been blessed/cursed with a tummy that tells me when I’m not dealing with feelings. Took a long time to figure out that feelings aren’t right or wrong, they just are. How we deal with them and honor them is the real trick.
You’ve got lots of company, Candy. I’ll bet we ALL have physical stuff going on as a result of not dealing with feelings. I know it has take a toll on my health over the years. As long as I continue to become more aware of these “body messages,” I know I am making progress.
There isn’t a “Like” button for all the great comments, so I’m just nodding my head and saying “yes” to everything I’m reading. 😉
Thanks, Linda. I’ll consider the post well-liked. 🙂